The Sketch Show-Restaurant

The IRS decided to audit Grandpa,

• 
  

  
  

 

The IRS decided to audit Grandpa, and summoned him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”

“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Grandpa. “How about a demonstration?”

The auditor thinks for a moment and says, “OK. Go ahead.”
Grandpa says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”

The auditor thinks a moment and says, “It’s a bet.”
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.

Grandpa says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”

The auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

“Want to go double or nothing?” Grandpa asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa’s attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

“Are you OK?” the auditor asks.
“Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it.”

Don’t mess with old people!

Administrative leave is a temporary leave from a job assignment, with pay and benefits intact.

Former cops investigated

Future court dates not yet set

FRONT PAGE NEWS

JAN 17, 2020

NEAVES

MARQUETTE — More information into the investigation of two former area law enforcement officers arrested on drug-related charges has been obtained.

Richard Joseph Neaves, 31, of Marquette and Todd Andrew Collins, 36, of Negaunee were arraigned in Marquette County’s 96th District Court in early December on two-count felony warrants issued by the Marquette County Prosecutor’s Office, according to a state police press release.

Count 1 was conspiracy to commit controlled substance-delivery/manufacture (schedules 1, 2, 3 except marihuana, methamphetamine, ecstasy and cocaine), which is a seven-year felony and/or $20,000 fine and a $10,000 additional fine. The second count was using a computer to commit a crime, which carries a maximum imprisonment of four to 10 years.

Michigan State Police Detective Lt. Christopher Croley said the controlled substance was steroids, a schedule 3 drug.

Neaves was a former officer with the Marquette City Police Department and the Negaunee Police Department and Collins was a drug canine handler with the Marquette department.

COLLINS

Charges were brought based on information discovered during separate criminal investigations.

According to a Michigan Department of State Police Original Incident Report obtained from the Marquette County Prosecutor’s Office by The Mining Journal through a Freedom of Information Act request, MSP Detective Sgt. Jeff Marker initiated a criminal investigation on Dec. 8, 2018, involving Neaves breaking into the prescription drug take back box in the lobby of the Negaunee Police Department and his taking of prescription medications from it on several occasions. Neaves admitted to Marker on that day “that he broke into the prescription drug box and removed antidepressants and Xanax on approximately 10 occasions,” documents state.

Neaves was suspended that day.

The incident was initially noted by another NPD officer on Dec. 7, 2018, who upon observation of the theft on the department’s live feed surveillance system called Negaunee City Police Chief Jay Frusti. Frusti reported to the police department and “discovered that Officer Neaves had successfully picked the lock on the drug box … and Neaves was observed to be searching inside the drug drop box and reaching inside. Frusti further indicated he had discovered video of Neaves making numerous attempts to break into the drug box on 12/7/18,” the incident report states. “In addition, he had discovered video of Neaves covering the surveillance camera in the lobby with a uniform shirt for large segments in time on 11/25/2018.”

Frusti then turned the incident over to the MSP for further investigation.

Just five days after the initial investigation commenced, Marker was assigned an additional complaint involving an unnamed officer at the Negaunee Police Department “and possibly Officer Richard Neaves.” The complaint was in regards to an incident which occurred on Dec. 5, 2018, in which a couple turned in $4,500 cash to an unnamed officer that they believed to be counterfeit. When the couple returned a week later to inquire about the money they were advised there was no record of it at the police department.

In the supplemental incident report, Detective Craig Grahovac of the Negaunee City Police Department indicated Neaves came into work the same evening the money was turned over to the department.

“It was noted by Marker during his investigations that Officer (unnamed) and Officer Neaves were good friends and have both mentioned in the past about having financial problems,” the documents state.

While reviewing data obtained from the Michigan State Police Eighth District Computer Crimes Unit extracted from Neaves’ phone regarding two MSP Negaunee Post investigations, Marker advised that on Aug. 19, 2019, he discovered conversations between Neaves and Collins dating from June 2017 to November 2018 in which they discuss the ordering and purchasing of controlled substances.

The substances mentioned were Sustanon, Enthanate, Winstrol and Turinabol, which are all anabolic steroids and considered Schedule III controlled substances, according to the documents.

“In a series of texts Officer Collins discusses ordering the above substances from Officer Neaves,” the documents state. “They also discuss quantity and prices. The text messages also reveal Officer Collins sends money to Officer Neaves for the controlled substances via Venmo, a mobile money transfer application.”

Similar text messages were discovered between Neaves and an unnamed officer.

Marquette City Police Chief Blake Rieboldt then made an official request for the MSP to investigate the allegations.

Based on the information obtained in that investigation by Marker, Detective Lt. Chris Croley was assigned to an investigation into Collins and an unnamed Marquette City Police officer. Croley obtained a search warrant to seize the personal and work cell phones of the officers as well as the in-car laptop of Collins. Both officers were put on administrative leave pending the outcome of the investigation.

In a phone interview with The Mining Journal, Rieboldt said the MSP was requested to conduct the initial investigation for transparency and once it was concluded the MPD began an internal investigation.

“I think the Michigan State Police was investigating a complaint from the Negaunee Police Department and then during the course of that investigation information was identified implicating officers from our department,” Rieboldt said. “They brought that to our attention and immediately we requested them to continue their investigation and basically we stayed hands on upon it. We weren’t involved or influenced in that investigation at all.”

The actions of the officers involved in the investigations are not a reflection of the department, he added.

“The only thing I would like people to realize is this isn’t a reflection of the men and women of the Marquette Police Department,” Rieboldt said. “Our staff makes a difference in this community every day and I am proud of our staff and what they do in this community every day and unfortunately this is an isolated incident but it does not reflect on the rest of our department.”

A preliminary examination was scheduled for Collins and Neaves Thursday afternoon, but according to Marquette County Prosecuting Attorney Matt Wiese both parties agreed that there was no need to hold a prelim.

Neaves waived the preliminary examination, meaning the case will be bound over to the 25th Circuit Court as it would have had the prelim been held and the judge found probable cause.

Collins is expected to enter a plea deal, Wiese added.

When I'm an old lady,

                               


When I'm an old lady, I'll live with each kid,
And bring so much happiness just as they did.
I want to pay back all the joy they've provided.
Returning each deed! Oh, they'll be so excited!
When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.
I'll write on the walls with reds, whites and blues,
And I'll bounce on the furniture wearing my shoes.
I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out.
I'll stuff all the toilets and oh, how they'll shout!
When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.
When they're on the phone and just out of reach,
I'll get into things like sugar and bleach.
Oh, they'll snap their fingers and then shake their head,
When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.
When they cook dinner and call me to eat,
I'll not eat my green beans or salad or meat,
I'll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table,
And when they get angry I'll run if I'm able!
When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.
I'll sit close to the TV, through channels I'll click,
I'll cross both eyes just to see if they stick.
I'll take off my socks and throw one away,
And play in the mud 'til the end of the day!
When I'm an old lady and live with my kids.
And later in bed, I'll lay back and sigh,
I'll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes.
My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping,
And say with a groan, "She's so sweet when she's sleeping!"
-by Joanne Bailey Baxter 

                                 

 

GOOD JOB MR PRESIDENT

                                       

                                 

YOGA

THIS JANUARY

Checking out at the store

Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the much older lady that she should bring her own grocery bags, because plastic bags are not good for the environment,.
The woman apologized to the young girl and explained, "We didn't have this 'green thing' back in my earlier days."
The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."
The older lady said that she was right our generation didn't have the "green thing" in its day. The older lady went on toexplain: Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled.
But we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day. Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags that we reused for numerous things. Most memorable besides household garbage bags was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our school books. This was to ensure that public property (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags.
But, too bad we didn't do the "green thing" back then. We walked up stairs because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. But she was right. We didn't have the "green thing" in our day.
Back then we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throw away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts. Wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days.
Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that young lady is right; we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day.
Back then we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana.
In the kitchen we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us.
When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.
Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power.
We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she's right; we didn't have the "green thing" back then.
We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blade in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But we didn't have the "green thing" back then.
Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service in the family's $45,000 SUV or van, which cost what a whole house did before the "green thing."
We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.
But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the "green thing" back then?
Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smart ass young person. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off... Especially from a tattooed, multiple pierced smartass who can't make change without the cash register telling them how much.

THIS is the face of domestic violence.

·

R.I.P. Megan - 3 women are murdered each day by a husband/partner in America. This is Megan Montgomery and Jason McIntosh on their wedding day 2/2/18. they are laughing, smiling & holding each other like they never want to let go.

They look like they are completely in love - head over heals for one another.

THIS is the face of domestic violence.

On February 2nd she married "the man of her dreams".
On February 23rd he was arrested for domestic violence that resulted in her being shot in the arm.

21 days after they were married we hear of the first "incident". and I guarantee this wasn't the first time.

Since February, she's done everything she was supposed to do with the legal system...Police reports, court documents, restraining order, etc.

How do you depend on the police/court system, when the one who is abusing you was until earlier this year a police officer?

Megan’s life was taken on December 1st by the man who less than 10 months earlier promised to love her, protect her and keep her safe from all harm.

A man whom she had a restraining order against.
A man whom made death threats and mass violence threats.
A man whom was given the chance to bond out numerous times since February!

This time he won't be allowed to bond out, but this time is too late.

Why was this man out walking around, free to do as he pleased?

How many more women have to be killed for the system to figure out domestic violence is a very real issue?

How many more families have to bury their daughters, granddaughters, sisters, aunts, nieces, and friends for our country to change the laws around domestic violence?

The system failed Megan Montgomery as it does so many women every year.

With her death, a piece of every woman’s dream for a more just society also died

The most dangerous time for women trying to escape their abusers is when the abuser believes he’s lost control. Megan had separated from her soon to be ex-husband, Jason McIntosh, had obtained a restraining order, and was seeking a divorce when, after stalking her and sending her text messages saying “I’ll never let you go,” McIntosh shot her in the back and left her to die in the parking lot at Mountain Brook High School, the heart of one of the safest communities in the nation.
https://www.al.com/…/with-her-death-so-died-a-piece-of-ever…

#StopDV #NoBondForAbusers #WeNeedToMakeAChange #DomesticViolenceAwareness

R.I.P. Megan

Posted by Coral Anika Theill
Author, Advocate, Speaker & Reporter
D.V., Rape & Ritual Abuse Victim/Survivor
Erased & Alienated Mother of 8
Memoir: Bonshea Making Light of the Dark
Website: www coralanikatheill.com

"I choose to not participate in the silence that protects perpetrators and isolates survivors." - Coral Anika Theill, Bonshea Making Light of the Dark, Seasoned Resistance Fighter